shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
