She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
