I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
