peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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