Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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