she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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