I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Randomize
