I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
