My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
