u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
