When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
