This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
