Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
