first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
