I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
