i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
