he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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