I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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