I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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