smell my finger.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
