she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
barbara walters just said penis...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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