I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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