If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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