Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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