I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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