Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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