I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
