It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
