I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just cropdusted the office
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
