so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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