i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
