it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
time to smoke my breakfast
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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