True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
