My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize