I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
