For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
