My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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