If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
