onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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