I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
