My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
