How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
