I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
