I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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