the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
