I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
