I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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