Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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