so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
