Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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