im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
