I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
