Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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