The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
