He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm always down for nudity.
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