nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Yo dont text me then not text me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
