Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
