I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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