She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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