he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The Olympian is in my bed
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize