True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
