My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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