WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
