Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
