We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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