You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
