wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
