how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
